Creating good boundaries with an open heart

When we are aware of our boundaries we are paying attention to and trusting our feelings.
What we feel someone has pushed our boundary we may feel:
Physical Emotional
-headaches/illness - anger/resentment
-stress -fear/anxiety
-exhaustion/rage -embarrassment
-churning gut -numbing/spacing out

Boundaries give us our comfort zone, safety and dignity.
Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves and others in order to maintain our comfort, our safety and our dignity.
We are entitled to our boundaries. We have a perfect right to feel safe, comfortable and dignified at all times.
When physical boundaries are not maintained, the doors are open to the emotional symptoms and vice versa.
We establish our boundaries by paying attention to our feelings.
We maintain our boundaries by having the courage to speak or take action when our boundaries are crossed.

Practice saying:
I feel ____________when you________________ I want/need________________________.
It’s not O.K. with me when you________________________________.
I understand that you__________and/ however I need______________________

When we trust ourselves to take care of ourselves in this way, then we begin to trust others and we can risk more.

Being Aware of Our Actions

Saying No

How often do you say yes when you want to shout no? Do you say yes because you will feel guilty if you don’t? Saying no in an assertive, not aggressive , manner is hard. The person making the request is asking you for something. That person wants you to say yes. Don’t look to them for help when making your decision. Ask yourself, is this a reasonable request? Check your body. Are you breathing shallowly? Are you perspiring? Do you feel trapped, pushed into a corner? No one is going to hate you if you say no when you need to. Visualize yourself saying no. Practice saying the word aloud, perhaps in front of a mirror. Do this before you talk to someone you know will try to pressure you into saying yes. Abolish “I’m sorry but...” before you say no. Forget long-winded excuses. Simple, direct explanation will do. Some people will try to make you feel guilty. Just keep repeating no. You have a right to choose what you will and won’t do. Are you doing what you honestly want to do or what you feel others want you to do?

Leaping

Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith.
- Margaret Shepherd

Taking time to go slowly through life.

Life is so short, we must move very slowly.

—Thai proverb

Taking time to pause

Today take time to pause. Feel and breath into the space between stimulus and response.

"between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to chose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

— Victor Frankl

Taking time to pause today

When you pause today, remember to check with:

"The place that knows that it knows what it knows."

Remembering to Breathe

Why is breathing and centering our attention on our breath important?
Any spiritual work is about bringing the physical field, the emotional field, and the mental field into unity, into oneness. How does this happen? It happens through the breath. The breath is the spirit. The breath is the catalyst. The breath shakes things up and moves things. It keeps things moving. Every little cell is more alive and vibrating. I consider that we are a series of vibrations; we’re pure energy. When we’re plugged into the master current, to the big current, it’s held together by an invisible force called breath. So we want to make more and more space for our breath. The deeper you breathe, the more fully you’re alive.
- Gabrielle Roth

Remembering to Breathe

Healthy breathing is a powerful tool. It has a direct affect on our stress levels. When we are in danger our body responds with restricted breathing through shorter and shallower breaths situated more in the upper chest. Our body’s automatic response to a threat is to prepare to fight or run. Adrenaline courses through out bloodstreams, digestion slows and energy is diverted to our muscles. If we continue to breathe shallowly after the danger has passed, through habit or in response to ongoing stress, we deprive ourselves of a return to a fully relaxed state. We alter our body’s response to stress through our breathing. Today, pay attention to your breathing. Place one hand on your upper abdomen, the other on your chest. Take a full, deep breath in and notice whether your abdomen rises. Take 2-3 tummy breaths, 12-15 times per day: when you wake up, before and after you eat, when waiting in a line, at red lights, when you look at the time, during TV commercials, when you’re feeling frustrated or angry or bored or unhappy. To relax your autonomic nervous system: lengthen your exhalations and shorten your inhalations: inhale (count 1, 2, 3) and exhale (count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5). Find your own best rhythm. To energize lengthen inhalations and shorten exhalations.

Taking time to Laugh

Follow this link and fill in your first name.


Ø      http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html

Place Like Home

I am creating art for my new show called Place Like Home. Home is an environment that allows you to be feel: safe, secure, contained, and connected with the world around you. There is a sense of belonging and you may experience the body sensations of being: centered, relaxed, free, nurtured, and empowered. It is an environment where you can put down roots: build a “home”, make long term plans, envision living there into the future and it becomes a place you want to return to. Images of “home” are images that make us feel connected and safe in a place.

On a day-to-day basis we collect, store and remember certain images that create certain psychological and emotional states. We all have a storehouse of images that help define who we think ourselves to be. They are stored in the body as sensations, in the emotions as states, and in the mind as memories and narratives. As Rumi said "we are unconditioned beings trapped in conditions." What is home to you?