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| Five year old clients picture of her friends. |
Do your friends take up your time and
energy in an unbalanced or selfish way that leaves you feeling drained?
Sometimes we enter friendships that appear healthy, but over time they change
in ways that may be harmful. If your friend only calls when she/he needs
something, that is a clear sign that they do not have your best interest in
their hearts. We need balance in relationships, so when you need something and your
friend is nowhere to be found—perhaps you don’t have balance.
Some friends always dominate the
conversation. If you try to talk about yourself, they appear bored or
disconnected from your story. When your friendship is all about the other
person, that person may become toxic to you as you slowly lose your voice, and
presence when you are around them.
If you notice that you often return home
after a date with your friend with a headache or tired that may be a sign that
they use your energy. Instead of giving you energy, they drain yours. Check in
with your body and see how you are physically responding to your friend.
If your friend makes fun of you, bullies you
or gossips about you, she/he is not a friend. Any of these behaviours makes
your friend toxic to be around. Do not tolerate this kind of behaviour.
Is your friend always late or changing
times and locations? This can often be a bid for power and is a sign that maybe
this friend wants to control you. If they act like their time is more valuable
than yours, know that this friend may be into game playing and check in with
yourself to see if you have the time and energy to engage with such behaviour.
If you have had this friend in your life
for a while and feel that they are not good for you on an emotional, intellectual
or physical level, you should consider getting some distance from them. If they
really are toxic, you should stop seeing them. It is an act of self-love to
surround yourself with healthy, caring friends.
Art Therapy Exercise and Unhealthy
Friendships
Gather some art supplies and sit. Start by
getting comfortable, feeling grounded in your chair and noticing your feet and
legs. Take a minute to notice how your feet are feeling. Take some time to
relax your feet and let them make contact with the floor. Notice the chair
under your legs and buttocks and adjust yourself to get even more comfortable
in your chair. Take a deep breath into your stomach. Bring awareness to your
back. Are you sitting in a way that is comfortable and supportive for your
back? Now move to your chest. Now move your awareness to your hands and arms.
Take time to sense into your hands, stretching the fingers. Bring awareness to
your neck, and head. Release any tension in your jaw and neck area. Do a body
scan and observe what parts of you feel the most energized. Now observe what
parts are holding any pain, stress or worry. Spend a few minutes working with
helping the parts that are holding tension to become more relaxed and fluid.
Now gently turn inward, sensing into your inner throat, chest and then resting
in the belly area. As you stay Present and aware of yourself sitting in the
chair, give yourself a gentle invitation to focus on a friend that you may be
concerned about. Take some time to notice where in your body you sense this the
strongest, and sit with it for a few minutes. Bring to mind the last time you
saw them. Staying present with your body sensations review the material above
and ask yourself, “Does this friend enrich my life?” See if you can hear from
its point of view, what this part of you has to tell you. You might write down
or draw its response. Now while staying in presence, take your art materials
and create on your paper what you just sensed in your body. Stay body centred
as you continue to move your hand on the paper. Check back to your body to see
if any fresh information is emerging. Now ask yourself “ How do I enrich my
friend’s life?” You may want to record some of this material. Bring this part
of the exercise to a close when you feel ready. Now ask yourself do you need to
adjust this relationship, move away from it or stay in it as it is? Create a
symbol, write a word or pick one colour to use to bring this exercise to a
close.
