 |
| A child's drawing of how she feels when she is surprised. |
So, it is any wonder that small and large surprises, moves or
changes would trigger traumatic memories or fears?
Even those of us who have not moved seven or eight times in
our lifetime, find moving traumatic or at least tough. Having your own space,
room, or home helps create the environment within a sense of grounding and
belonging can take root and grow. Always moving, means that space has to be nurtured
inside oneself. It is hard to trust others or the world if it cannot also be grown
outside oneself. And it cannot be grown at all if the body is constant
flight-or-fight response.
When any unexpected event happens, we all experience levels
varying levels of fear, surprise, or shock. The children I work with have had
their fight-or-flight response activated so many times that it becomes a habitual
state to live in one or the other. A startle response which is a brief mental
and physiological state of surprise or not knowing in response to a small
surprise or change, moves quickly into high end flight reaction (dissociation)
or fight (aggression). Moving to a new classroom, new bedroom, having a new eating
place at the dinner table, etc. all trigger the trauma response without the
child knowing why. But it is our responsibility as adults to know why and to
create the safety and containment that child in our care needs.
When the rules of reality dictating everyday life are always
changing, as where you live, who you call Mom, and what the day to day rules
are, how can a child achieve self-regulation?
So if a foster child is in your classroom, home, or therapy
room understand why surprises are not always good for this child. Routine is important,
change is frightening and needs to be clearly explained. Being consistent with
your child makes them feel safe and wanted. Watch your child for signs of
activation; raised eyebrows, wrinkles in forehead, dilated pupils, dropped jaw,
darting eyes, shallow breathing, tightening in the upper body, or a darting or running
response. These involuntary bodily responses often displayed for a fraction of
a second may be followed by confusion, fear, or anger.
Explain to them what is happening and why. Offer them ways
to de-escalate as, to do some deep breathing, drink a glass of water, do some
movement or release the energy in a way that works for the child. Later doing
art expressing feelings would be a good idea. When children regain control and
body awareness, then they are not triggered by small changes that remind them
unconsciously or consciously if the big life changes that they have
experienced. The fear, anger and frustration that the child now feels
transforms into grounded awareness and self-regulation. The flight or fight
response decreases and the child can move safety and confidently through the
world.
