Letting Go

Letting Go
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off...
It's the realization that I can't control another...
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
- Author Unknown

Presentism or Can We Really Look Back?

Presentism is the tendency to judge historical figures by contemporary standards. For example to judge Sigmund Freud for patronizing women is taking his behavior out of context of the time in which he lived. We all tend to view the past through the perception our present experience.
We also use presentism when looking into the future. Predictions about the future are made in the present. Our past selves and future selves were and will be different then we are at the present. But we often forget that.
I recently traveled to the Gulf Islands and Victoria B.C. where I used to live. My present self had a hard time not viewing the memories of those two past lives through my present lens. Living on Pender Island was wonderful, healthy, enchanting, frustrating and often fascinating. I was busy in my organic market garden, with raising my young children, tending my animals, running my gallery and creating my art. My older wiser self today would feel grateful, centered, serene and tranquil there. My 30 year old self [the one who lived there for nine years] was jubilant, over worked, optimistic, and very energetic. I was working on emotional, and relationship issues that I am no longer focused on. I was a very different person.
I was also a different person when I lived in Victoria. I was passionately focused on creating my art therapy practice, getting my children through adolescence, creating art, doing art workshops and teaching. My inner personal and spiritual work was somewhat the same, but also very different than it was on Pender.
Looking back into the past and looking forward to the future somehow loses meaning when we realize that we really cannot do that. I have a hard time remembering whom that person was standing in the garden on Pender Island; I know that I no longer have her fears and dreams. I can see these places for what they mean to me now, but I cannot project or guess what they were for me then. Memories are also influenced by presentism, they are not made of the pure view or feeling in the time they happened. So, I guess living in the present is our only option. When I visit the past, I am really living my present.

Or the present is the moment, the space and the place where the past and the future converge. There is nothing else.

Creating Peace

10 Things We Can Do to Contribute to Internal, Interpersonal, and Organizational Peace

(1) Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.

(2) Remember that all human beings have the same needs.

(3) Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.

(4) When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.

(5) Instead of saying what we DON'T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.

(6) Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we'd like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.

(7) Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone's opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.

(8) Instead of saying "No," say what need of ours prevents us from saying "Yes."

(9) If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what's wrong with others or ourselves.

(10) Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) would like there to be a critical mass of people using Nonviolent Communication language so all people will get their needs met and resolve their conflicts peacefully.

2001, revised 2004 Gary Baran & CNVC. The right to freely duplicate this document is hereby granted.

Cycle of Change

Change has a pattern. We each move through this pattern in a familiar and unique way. First, there is ascent. If we want to change a pattern in our life this is the exciting period, filled with fear and excitement. At this stage, we focus on what changes we want to make, we create the intent or action plan, and we form a vision or desire of what we want. In art classes I see people making a commitment to act on becoming an artist or develop their art further. In the therapy room I see clients commit to act on moving into change and/or healing. At this stage, people need support, information, encouragement, and a plan of action.
The next stage is descent. This is the period of hard work where people face and heal fears and wounding, learn to work with and lessen their anxiety, and learn how to take action towards the desired goal, even when it feels like nothing is happening.
The final state is integration. This is a time of acceptance and manifestation of your dream and/or change. These three stages take time, different states of mind/body and need different resources and support.
I just finished teaching a weeklong art course and I watched people working in all three stages. The people in their ascent stage were discovering who they are as artists, taking the risk to explore, dream and dive into their creative realm. Those working at the descent stage were trying to push their work further into a deeper development. Those artists who were working in their integration period were enjoying the process and exploring the relationship they want to have with their artist side at this moment.

Ascent: risk, passion, acceptance, excitement, and fear of unknown
Descent: reflection, transition, sacrifices, struggle
Integration: understanding, equanimity, gratitude

Ascent: This is the stage when you build the fires. You need to feel very ready, passionate and open to embrace your dream in order to move ahead. Your vision will help sustain you when you are in the period of descent. You need to come out of this stage with a strong conviction, intent plan and image of what you want for yourself.
Therapist: helps by facilitating your process of creating an intent map or vision of where you want to go, be or manifest. She acts as a guide and provides you with resources, information and the means to move forward towards your goal. She helps you access your inner and outer resources that are already in your life [or that you may need to add to your life] that can support and nurture you through this change or growth period.

Descent: This is the stage where you work to change the pattern that you are already functioning in to allow for the newness that you want to embrace. Therapy intends to create association with the disconnected parts of the self. The autonomic nervous system can learn to self-regulate again through 'repairs' that transform the activation of the system. You learn to access your felt sense and release residual tension. This means that whatever was holding you back fear, loss, or shame can be understood and dealt with so you can move ahead in your life with more energy.
This is the time in an artist’s life when you have to work hard to develop your talent, study, work with other artists, learn patience and have faith that the hours that you spend in the studio will help develop your skill.
Therapist: helps by guiding you to work with felt sense to learn self-regulation and awareness. She helps you express freely in the moment what comes up, move into ‘not knowing’ in the murky stage and stay with loss, mourning or whatever the body/mind presents. She shows you how to hold the tension between working with the crisis and holding on to the vision that you had for yourself in the ascent stage.

Integration: This is the stage in therapy where you have made peace with your self. There has been a shift or movement from a feeling of being isolated from or repressing parts of self to a fuller appreciation, acceptance or awareness of the whole self. There is more awareness, energy and inner support and ability to move ahead in your life or relax, listen to your inner voice and feel peace and equanimity.
In the life of an artist, there may be a sense of finally believing that you are an artist, feeling that your work is good enough, and a decision to giving your work more exposure. This may mean having shows or a comment to yourself to having more time in your life for art making.
Therapist: helps by guiding the integration of the old/new self, provides ideas for the regeneration, supports the movement into deeper inner awareness, knowing, and presence. The client or artist moves into their way of ‘trusting the process”

Still Slow

Still August, still slow. Here is my beach comber bike. It is a beautiful way to slowly ride through August.



Here is a fun game. How many of the common words in the English language do you think you can think of in 5 minutes? Take this quiz.