Creating good boundaries with an open heart

When we are aware of our boundaries we are paying attention to and trusting our feelings.
What we feel someone has pushed our boundary we may feel:
Physical Emotional
-headaches/illness - anger/resentment
-stress -fear/anxiety
-exhaustion/rage -embarrassment
-churning gut -numbing/spacing out

Boundaries give us our comfort zone, safety and dignity.
Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves and others in order to maintain our comfort, our safety and our dignity.
We are entitled to our boundaries. We have a perfect right to feel safe, comfortable and dignified at all times.
When physical boundaries are not maintained, the doors are open to the emotional symptoms and vice versa.
We establish our boundaries by paying attention to our feelings.
We maintain our boundaries by having the courage to speak or take action when our boundaries are crossed.

Practice saying:
I feel ____________when you________________ I want/need________________________.
It’s not O.K. with me when you________________________________.
I understand that you__________and/ however I need______________________

When we trust ourselves to take care of ourselves in this way, then we begin to trust others and we can risk more.

Being Aware of Our Actions

Saying No

How often do you say yes when you want to shout no? Do you say yes because you will feel guilty if you don’t? Saying no in an assertive, not aggressive , manner is hard. The person making the request is asking you for something. That person wants you to say yes. Don’t look to them for help when making your decision. Ask yourself, is this a reasonable request? Check your body. Are you breathing shallowly? Are you perspiring? Do you feel trapped, pushed into a corner? No one is going to hate you if you say no when you need to. Visualize yourself saying no. Practice saying the word aloud, perhaps in front of a mirror. Do this before you talk to someone you know will try to pressure you into saying yes. Abolish “I’m sorry but...” before you say no. Forget long-winded excuses. Simple, direct explanation will do. Some people will try to make you feel guilty. Just keep repeating no. You have a right to choose what you will and won’t do. Are you doing what you honestly want to do or what you feel others want you to do?

Leaping

Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith.
- Margaret Shepherd

Taking time to go slowly through life.

Life is so short, we must move very slowly.

—Thai proverb

Taking time to pause

Today take time to pause. Feel and breath into the space between stimulus and response.

"between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to chose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

— Victor Frankl