Art Therapy and Unhealthy Friendships

Five year old clients picture of her friends.

Do your friends take up your time and energy in an unbalanced or selfish way that leaves you feeling drained? Sometimes we enter friendships that appear healthy, but over time they change in ways that may be harmful. If your friend only calls when she/he needs something, that is a clear sign that they do not have your best interest in their hearts. We need balance in relationships, so when you need something and your friend is nowhere to be found—perhaps you don’t have balance.

Some friends always dominate the conversation. If you try to talk about yourself, they appear bored or disconnected from your story. When your friendship is all about the other person, that person may become toxic to you as you slowly lose your voice, and presence when you are around them.

If you notice that you often return home after a date with your friend with a headache or tired that may be a sign that they use your energy. Instead of giving you energy, they drain yours. Check in with your body and see how you are physically responding to your friend.

If your friend makes fun of you, bullies you or gossips about you, she/he is not a friend. Any of these behaviours makes your friend toxic to be around. Do not tolerate this kind of behaviour.

Is your friend always late or changing times and locations? This can often be a bid for power and is a sign that maybe this friend wants to control you. If they act like their time is more valuable than yours, know that this friend may be into game playing and check in with yourself to see if you have the time and energy to engage with such behaviour.

If you have had this friend in your life for a while and feel that they are not good for you on an emotional, intellectual or physical level, you should consider getting some distance from them. If they really are toxic, you should stop seeing them. It is an act of self-love to surround yourself with healthy, caring friends.

Art Therapy Exercise and Unhealthy Friendships

Gather some art supplies and sit. Start by getting comfortable, feeling grounded in your chair and noticing your feet and legs. Take a minute to notice how your feet are feeling. Take some time to relax your feet and let them make contact with the floor. Notice the chair under your legs and buttocks and adjust yourself to get even more comfortable in your chair. Take a deep breath into your stomach. Bring awareness to your back. Are you sitting in a way that is comfortable and supportive for your back? Now move to your chest. Now move your awareness to your hands and arms. Take time to sense into your hands, stretching the fingers. Bring awareness to your neck, and head. Release any tension in your jaw and neck area. Do a body scan and observe what parts of you feel the most energized. Now observe what parts are holding any pain, stress or worry. Spend a few minutes working with helping the parts that are holding tension to become more relaxed and fluid. Now gently turn inward, sensing into your inner throat, chest and then resting in the belly area. As you stay Present and aware of yourself sitting in the chair, give yourself a gentle invitation to focus on a friend that you may be concerned about. Take some time to notice where in your body you sense this the strongest, and sit with it for a few minutes. Bring to mind the last time you saw them. Staying present with your body sensations review the material above and ask yourself, “Does this friend enrich my life?” See if you can hear from its point of view, what this part of you has to tell you. You might write down or draw its response. Now while staying in presence, take your art materials and create on your paper what you just sensed in your body. Stay body centred as you continue to move your hand on the paper. Check back to your body to see if any fresh information is emerging. Now ask yourself “ How do I enrich my friend’s life?” You may want to record some of this material. Bring this part of the exercise to a close when you feel ready. Now ask yourself do you need to adjust this relationship, move away from it or stay in it as it is? Create a symbol, write a word or pick one colour to use to bring this exercise to a close.

Art Therapy and Knowing Ourselves

As we move through life, our opinions and ideas change. Sometimes we unconsciously or mindlessly operate from an older belief system when really we have shifted. We want to respond in one way, but we surprise ourselves by habitually responding in a different way. What do you believe, in the here and now? The following exercise gives you a chance to see what you believe now about some of the critical issues in your life.

1. My top three-life goals are___________________________________________

2. The things that give me the most joy are_______________________________

3. My biggest fears are________________________________________________

4. My strongest passion in life is  _______________________________________

5. I worry most about ________________________________________________

6. I dream about ____________________________________________________

7. My top values are ______________________________________________

8. I am happiest when ______________________________________________

9. I view life as _____________________________________________________

10. Three people I admire most are _____________________________________

11. Relationships are _________________________________________________

12. I think my strengths are ____________________________________________

13. My view of money is _____________________________________________

14. Love is  ________________________________________________________

15. My hobbies are _________________________________________________

16. My spiritual belief is ____________________________________________

17. What I admire most in anyone is ___________________________________

18. When I am my best self, I am _____________________________________

19. When I am my worst self, I am ___________________________________

20. I am ________________________________________________________

Art Therapy Exercise for Knowing Ourselves

Start by answering the questions above. Gather some art supplies, a sketchbook or paper and get comfortable. Do some centering breathing. Meditate for ten minutes or so. With closed eyes, draw for a few minutes. Stop and look at what you have done staying open without judgement and then expand on anything in your drawing that interests you. When you look done answer the following question.

I am __________________________________________________________________

Art Therapy and Priorities

What are you priorities? In a busy life, priorities are what you make time for no matter what. Some things in life are not and never will be priorities like, ironing, having tidy drawers, keeping my files in order and grocery shopping. Some things are always priorities as making time to exercise, research, meditation and spend time with my family. When you are confused about saying yes to someone, ask yourself, “Is this a priority?” If not, saying no may be the best course of action. There is only so many hours in the day. If I am going to fill up that time, I want to fill it with priorities. That way I don’t feel over tired, stressed or that I am wasting my time.

Art Therapy Exercise and Priorities

Gather some art supplies and sit. Start by getting comfortable, feeling grounded in your chair and noticing your feet and legs. Take a minute to notice how your feet are feeling. Take some time to relax your feet and let them make contact with the floor. Notice the chair under your legs and buttocks and adjust yourself to get even more comfortable in your chair. Take a deep breath into your stomach. As you pause here, staying with your stomach, notice if you sense a colour, image or feeling here. Bring awareness to your back. Are you sitting in a way that is comfortable and supportive for your back? Now move to your chest. Can you breath freely? Is your chest open or closed? Now move your awareness to your hands and arms. Take time to sense into your hands, stretching the fingers. Bring awareness to your neck, head. Release any tension in your jaw and neck area. Do a body scan and observe what parts of you feel the most energized. Now notice what parts are holding any pain, stress or worry. Spend a few minutes working with helping the parts that are holding tension to become more relaxed and fluid. Now gently turn inward, sensing into your inner throat, chest and then resting in the belly area. As you stay Present and aware of yourself sitting in the chair, give yourself a gentle invitation to focus on what you feel to the priorities right now in your life. Take some time to notice where in your body you sense this the strongest, and sit with it for a few minutes. See if you can hear from its point of view, what this part of you has to tell you. You might write down or draw its response. Now while staying in presence, take your art materials and create on your paper what you just sensed in your body. Stay body centered as you continue to move your hand on the paper. Check back to your body to see if any fresh information is emerging. Now ask yourself what in your life right now takes up your time but really is not a priority. Ask yourself is this a priority and if not, ask yourself if you really want to continue giving that activity or job your precious time and energy? Take some time now on your paper exploring ways that you can remove these activities from your life. Who else could do them? Which jobs do you need to eliminate? Bring this exercise to a close by choosing one word to reflect how you are feeling in the present moment.

Shaving Cream, Paint, and Happiness

To celebrate spring in the Art Therapy Studio, we did some Happiness Paintings. First we said what we were happy about and then squirted shaving cream on our papers to celebrate. Next we sprayed paint to create Happiness Paintings. Happy Spring everyone!  

Are You an Extrovert or an Introvert?

I am five and I am an extravert.

If you are an extravert you are outgoing and become energized in groups. You usually want to share your experiences and ideas with others and you like to talk and have conversations with others. You think and make decisions by talking to others. You don’t seek out solitude or alone time and you need others to feel approval and acceptance. Feedback and sharing refuels your energy. Extroverts are impulsive, fun, and easily express their feelings. They want to have many friends and love group work.

If you are an introvert you usually prefer to watch and listen before you join into an activity with others. You enjoy doing things by yourself or with one or two other people. You find it draining to be around large groups of people and you don’t want to share your thoughts and feelings until you ponder them. You have a strong sense of personal space and you enjoy being alone in your own space. Unlike an extrovert, you may find it hard to share what you are feeling and you do not process well with others. Being social drains your energy and you need alone time to recharge. You like to reflect and think about problems and you need uninterrupted work time. You may not have as many friends as your extroverted friends, but the friendships you have are deep and long lasting. You are able to entertain yourself and you often become a master of the delayed minimal response. You like to work alone and need to find ways to lower the sensory overload that you often experience.

The world encourages us to be extroverts. The school system rewards extroverts who work well in groups, share and easily bond with others. Introverts often grow up feeling that there is something wrong with them and they quickly learn to become extroverts. There is an attitude that introversion needs to be cured not valued in our world. Our preference to enjoying the internal world (introverts) or external world (extroverts) is fixed and we can learn to act outside our preference, but we can’t be forced to leave it without feeling overwhelmed, lost and knocked off centre. Some of us fall in the middle ground of both, but regardless the world is a healthier place when both types are allowed to operate in their comfort zone.

How can introverts and extroverts get along?

When you see an introvert reading, sitting alone, don’t assume that they are lonely and want to be interrupted. Respect their space and ask if they are busy before interrupting them. Introverts need to learn that it is okay to say that they are in the middle of something and would rather not socialize. Introverts work out their ideas by thinking inside their heads and they often need to remind extroverts that they are not ignoring them, rather they are silently processing what they just heard. Extroverts are talkers. This is hard and draining for introverts. Introverts need to remember to get alone time after being with a talkative extrovert to recharge and not blame extroverts for their need to talk or take it personally. Both types need to remember that the other type is drained by what energizes them. The world is filled with introverts and extroverts and we need to be more understanding and accepting of each other.