I worry when I hear people in the “helping professions” say
that they want to help. Why? Because that attitude can be harmful.
I work with children and youth who have been marginalized
and discriminated against. They have often been abused in their homes, treated
badly in their foster homes and labeled by teachers, foster families,
therapists and social workers as problem children. When one of us in the
helping profession gets involved to “help” these children we may do further
damage. How?
There can be something wrong in the wanting to help when there
is something in it for the helper. Why do we want to help? So we feel that we
are doing something worthwhile with our lives, that we are “making a
difference”. What does this have to do with the needs of the child? Sometimes
nothing. Sometimes this “helping” attitude gets in the way of seeing and being
with the child. It is an agenda. The child needs to change in the way the
helper wants in order to make the helper feel successful and useful.
So how do we do this work and keep ourselves and our agenda
out of our work? I think the first and most important step we can take is to be
as present and as awake as possible when we are with clients so we can be
authentic and genuine. Russell Delman talks about returning to grounded
presence. This means that I am not getting lost in feelings or thoughts. It
means that I stay aware of the “I” that is with the children that I work with.
A clients artwork to help remind herself to dream big about the future. |
When I start wanting something to happen in a therapy
session, I know that “I” am leaning in way too far. The session is becoming
what I want and that means there is less room for the client’s needs.
1 comment:
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